Welcome!
Hello and welcome! My name is Lee, and I am participating in the most challenging adventure I have ever undertaken. As of today, I am officially in training with Team in Training, and will run (or walk... or crawl...) the Freescale Marathon in Austin, TX on February 19, 2006. While I train, I will also be raising much-needed funds for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. For those of you who received my donation letter or e-mail, thanks so much for stopping by. I will continue to update this site as I progress in my training. For those of you who stumbled in, welcome! Please read about my mission for more information. My most recent entry is below, or click on archives for past entries. Thanks so much for stopping by!
February 26, 2006 - 3:13 p.m.
The Day That Almost Was
Hello friends. I realize it's been a long time since I've updated, and for that, I am very sorry. The past few weeks have brought many, many changes to my life, both very good and very bad, and things are finally starting to settle down.
As you know, the Freescale Austin Marathon, for which I have been training since July, was last weekend, February 19th. And despite my training efforts and my fundraising, I'm sad to say I was not able to participate in the race itself. Because you all have supported me so much along the way - both emotionally and financially - I want to give you a complete update and let you know why I had to make the decision not to run. It was a very difficult choice to make, as I had planned on running it for months now. But, in the immortal words of John Lennon, life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. And while I made those plans, both wonderful and terrible things happened that ultimately kept me from Austin.
First, let me start with the good news. In late January, Patrick and I learned that we are expecting a baby in September! We are very excited about this, albeit a little surprised that it happened so quickly. We had planned on waiting until after the marathon to start really trying, but this little life inside me decided it wasn't going to wait that long! When I found out about the pregnancy, I immediately decided to cut back to the half-marathon. I had done that distance (and then some) comfortably several times before, and felt that I could safely ask my body to complete 13.1 miles while pregnant. I received permission from the OB clinic I'm attending, and was ready to go.
Then, on Monday, February 13th, I had to go to the clinic to receive IV fluids and medication because I had been vomiting for several days and was unable to keep anything down, including water and crackers. The nausea had been with me for a few weeks by then, but it strongly intensified to the point where I could not function. Fortunately, I received a prescription for Zofran, a powerful anti-emetic, which has pretty much ended the vomiting. The nausea remains, unfortunately, but at least I'm able to get through day-to-day functions, like eating and going to work.
At this point, I still wanted to go to Austin and try to run. I wasn't sure if I could run it, but even with the nausea, I had hoped to at least walk.
Then, two days after my hospital experience, my mother-in-law was hospitalized here in San Antonio. She had been living with us since December in order to participate in a clinical drug trial for a new form of chemotherapy. Her cancer, uterine leiomyosarcoma, is very rare and very aggressive. The current forms of chemo were not successful in managing her cancer, and we were very hopeful that this drug trial would be successful.
On Wednesday, February 15th, my mother-in-law was hospitalized for a severe right-sided pleural effusion (also known as fluid in the chest cavity). She was admitted overnight, and they performed two separate procedures to remove as much of the fluid as possible. The procedures left her sore and hurting, and the doctors warned us that the fluid could return and that she may need to undergo the procedure again.
At this point, Patrick and I realized that we could not go to Austin and leave her in San Antonio alone. Not only did we feel it would be unsafe to leave her alone in an unfamiliar city, but we felt it would be extremely unsupportive. At this point, my own desire to be in Austin for the race was secondary - family needed to come first, and the choice was obvious.
Although this in and of itself would have been enough to keep me from Austin, unfortunately, we received more bad news two days later, on Friday, February 17th. While my mother-in-law was in the hospital, they performed a CT scan to evaluate her tumors and to see whether they were shrinking, stabilizing, or growing. We were praying for shrinking or stabilizing, but that was not to be. Her tumors had grown significantly since starting the drug trial, and the drug was clearly not working. As a result, she would be exited from the study. Although there are other possibilities, including surgeries or maybe even other drug trials, the prognosis was grim. Friday was a very difficult day for Patrick, for his mom, and for me, and again, I realized that I needed to be in San Antonio, supporting my mother-in-law through the most difficult time in her life, rather than running in Austin.
Although the decision was easy to make, I was upset and disappointed. I had trained so hard and for so long, and I felt like I had hundreds of people counting on me to do it. So many people had donated money to this cause in support of my run, and I felt like I was letting them down. Most importantly, I worried that I would be letting R, my personal honoree, down. I was weighed down by guilt and anxiety about my choice.
After my mother-in-law's hospitalization, I e-mailed R to let her know about my decision, and she was wonderfully supportive and understanding. She helped me realize that the race itself was only one part of the journey, and I had already accomplished so much. And she's right. I ran four times a week for over six months in preparation. I raised over $3100 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I increased my mileage steadily and got up to 17 miles! And I helped make a difference in the lives of others. Maybe I wouldn't get to finish a marathon, but I did train, I did work hard, and I did make a difference. I have to be okay with that.
Today, one week after what almost was my first marathon, I can reflect on the experience as a whole and realize that I have come out of this a changed person. I was driven and disciplined in a way I didn't think was possible for me. I committed myself wholeheartedly to a cause that I felt was important, and I made it a top priority in my life, superceded only by the number one priority in my life - my family. I may not have been at the race, I may not have gotten a finisher's medal, but I did work hard, and I did the best I could. That's enough for me.
So what's next? Well, as soon as the nausea subsides and my energy returns, which I hope will be in a few weeks when I start my second trimester, I plan to resume safe exercise for the rest of my pregnancy. This includes walking, perhaps some light jogging during the second trimester, and prenatal yoga. In June, Patrick and I will be moving to our next assignment (we find out where on Tuesday night), and we will spend the next three months in our new home, preparing for the arrival of our first child! My hope is that after the birth, I can resume running (well, okay... run-walking!) and eventually work back up to half-marathon shape. My goal is to complete a half-marathon by June 2007 - fourteen months late, perhaps, but better late than never!
So in closing, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Those two words don't seem like enough. To all of you who supported me, no amount of thanks will ever suffice. It is because of each of you that I made it as far as I did. You all kept me going when I was tired, or sore, or feeling lazy and unmotivated. You provided words of motivation. You gave me your time, your money, and your love. For that, I am so grateful. I hope that I have not disappointed any of you by deciding not to run. If I have, I apologize, and hope you will come to understand how and why I made the decision I did.
Please feel free to e-mail me at runleerun@diaryland.com if you have any questions or just want an update on how life is going. And please continue to keep my mother-in-law in your thoughts and prayers - she has a difficult few months coming up, and will need all the support she can get.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for your unconditional support. I could not have done any of this without you all!
Best,
Lee